...all stories by Tich...
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Johnnies story - as told by a 'friend'
It was 2004 at the Humble Pie Rally, early Saturday morning when a few of us decided to visit the local Sports Bar where the locals have a habit of ringing a bell and buying everyone a drink. Very easy to get involved in! By the time afternoon came it sounded like we were in Notre Dame the bell was ringing so often. Johnny just happened to ring the bell as a pizza delivery man came in with a pizza for someone. Johnny being Johnny then insisted the P.D.M. have a beer too. It soon became clear the no more pizzas would be delivered that day. The semi sober amongst us decided to head back to Rob's bar before things got to silly. People heading back and forth kept us informed how Johnny and P.D.M. were doing. Johnny and P.D.M. were dancing on the Pool table, they pulled down the curtains in an attempt to get off the floor, then disaster - the wife of P.D.M. turned up demanding a divorce and then dragged P.D.M. away. It was about this time when Rob received a phone call asking us to come and collect Johnny. 'Fuck them' was the reply 'they got him like that'. A short time later there was another call, Johnny had been took half way, can we collect him? Along we went and there was Johnny propped against a wall. He was unable to speak, barefoot, holding his trainers and wearing P.D.M.'s shirt which was a rather fetching green and white stripey number. We helped Johnny into his tent and then settled down to enjoy the nights entertainment. When word reaches us that Johnny was trying to escape big Jimmy decided that the best way to keep him in was some intricate door pegging. It worked well, so well that when Johnny needed to answer the call of nature he couldn't get out. and had a rather unfortunate accident that led to very wet Jeans.
Happy days indeed!
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That burning feeling - by Tich
We were blatting along a Dutch motorway heading for the ferry port at Ijmuiden when Lynda the Diesel Dyke pulled up along side me looking rather strangely. Ignore her, we're short of time caused by me not filling up at the same time as everyone else then struggling to find a petrol station open. Mike Hamilton was the next to pull along side and look at me. Better pull over and find out whats up. Just as I stop Nikki shouts, "we're on fire!". Unknown to me, Lynda and Mike had spotted the smoke and thought I had blown my engine. Nope, saddlebag had slipped onto the exhaust setting alight various items of clothing and the club flag. Thank Fuck for a bottle of Volvic. Should you ever see a flag anywhere you'll know why it has several holes burnt in it!
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Magic moments over the years
Things that have me chuckle over the year - in no particular order
1. Johnny missing the ferry in Orkney. He sat in a guys house waiting on the next boat and not once did the guy mention that he (Johnny) had a bright blue moustache and pink eyebrows
2. Uncle Buck remembering the hard way that he'd fitted new panniers on his FJ when he tried to filter through the traffic in Hull
3. Kenny discovering that the Republic of Ireland is actually a foreign country when he couldn't spend Sterling and needed the international dialling code to phone home
4. Nobby lying on a pool able, topless, wearing leather jeans and braces singing 'I will survive' on the karaoke. He didn't realise its a gay anthem.
5. Buckie Mick in a caravan at Glencoe. The props needed were a bottle of Austrian Rum, toilet paper and an empty biscuit tin. Ask Club members for details
6. Nobby clipping his brakes onto his nipples to get his photo took. He really had to force a smile.
7. Tina bombarding Buckie Mick with various pieces of jewellery from her rucksack whilst bombing down a Belgian motorway
8. Watching Buckie Mick spitting the dummy after the amount of wrong turnings I'd took in Holland. He took the lead, stopped to ask directions only for the guy to begin the directions with the words "first you must go to Germany".
9. The 2 guys from Manchester who left St. Jozef to go to Breda for the day. They got lost and had to book into a hotel in Eindhoven for the night. The next day they got lost again and found themselves in Gent. They finally defeat and bought a map!
10. Seth with a Dutch phrase book in Belgium. He managed to order 3 meals instead of two
11. Wee Gordon. Anyone whose been to any of our rallies in Belgium will know of his fondness for wearing his kilt under his chin.
12. Saints and Sinners MCC being threatened with piracy on a North Sea ferry for removing the ships flag to run up their own.
13. The Jacobites turning up at a rally in a minibus - and getting club turnout for it
14. Kenny + Johnny getting lost in
Amsterdam and finding themselves on a gay street dressed in leather. Then
finding they were going the wrong way. Turning round and going back! You should
have seen the rent boys waving thinking they had customers....
15. Jimmy following us after a fag break in Belgium en route to Germany. Trouble was he followed the wrong group of bikes and ended up in Luxembourg.
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